居然讓我發現這個遺棄好久的blog!! Can't believe it :)

And for good or bad, I came to realize how my life hadn't really improved much since three years ago!

And so this year i'm spending, well technically celebrating, my birthday in Seattle.

Since well havent i had a "proper" birthday? idk. I remember one burning oil running stat models; one at tech with gt gang though missing the one i wanted to see the most; one at kaohsiung which mom and sis forced me go get an 85c birthday cake and i finished myself; one with my pathetic roommates in cheesecake factory, listening to how they compliment each other on their skin conditions (during when i was having a breakout); one back in colleague when i received a sad gift from those not so clse friends; one back in high school when i got a small cake but with the most number of people together; one which i had dinner at downtown san jose with a guy that i thought i might spend another 6years which ended terribly to be 6months. Not many pleasant memories.

So i experienced another break up today - well technically yesterday from a text message that didnt make any sense.

Furious as i was, i asked to meet up and talk in person, which apparently didnt help at all. It's funny and surreal to see someone that once tried so hard to woo you now tries so hard to rationalize whatever why he doesnt want to continue the relationship. It doesnt really matter, not really. If we're meant to be, we dont need to go through such a hard time. All those 'lets just be friends, and you can always check me up when you go to a concert / you want to go to a movie - it's sad to go alone...' comments seem rather pathetic.

4/19/2016

[ BIRTHDAYS ]

I always try to be extra nice/thoughtful going to a friend's birthday party, for that I know how sad it is to have a not-so-pleasant birthday experience.

4/11/2016

[ Spring is in the air ]
Amazing how the plants and birds seem to enjoy life♥ while human beings trap ourselves with meaningless worries all too often. Time to learn from Mother Earth!

4/10/2016

So the guy i've been dating recently told me he's bi, and that he wanted to take things slowly, and then he said dang forget that i'm bi.. i really wanna kiss you now...

I tried to react calmly to what he said, all of which actually confused me to an extent that i couldn't really put into words, and then i said, "can we not kiss for now? i thought you said you wanted to take things slowly.." honestly speaking i've never met a bi in my limited 29 years of life, and i wasn't exactly sure how to appropriately respond.

4/3/2016

[ Music ]
Astonishing how music can heal people over down time. Got myself a digital piano and a ukulele today.

4/2/2016

[逝去的戀人]
隨著時間過去，你的樣子越來越模糊。是阿，不知道過了幾個月呢。數著獵戶座腰帶的星星時我會心痛，會想念躺在草地上望著星星的那一個晚上，那一個我好害羞卻開心到把自己的初吻給你，然後在你懷裡聽著你心跳的晚上。但為什麼在我以為自己都忘了，什麼都記不清楚的時候，我看到天上的星星，卻還是哭了。

3/30/2016

[ grown ups ]
i never liked the idea of growing up. never. not even when i was little.

3/20/2016

[ Life ]
I understand that life is a journey, in which different people come and go along with you and then leave. Yes i do understand that. It's just that despite of understanding it, i feel terrible whenever someone leaves "our" journey, either voluntarily or involuntarily.
I AM trying hard to live the fullest of my life, just that no matter how much i wish not to leave regrets either on things not done, words not spoken, love not shown, i feel regretted still from time to time, that what if i did something differently would there be a turnaround.

[ 比較 ]

3/19/2016

[ Baking ]

So i havent really baked anything until my later 20s, ok well to be specific, not until my 29:p Somehow i remember vividly your response when i said the only thing i've ever "baked" was steak - your confused look totally amused me. And i felt so embarrassed in mis-using the words, but quickly pacified by your sweet words that "no worries, i'd love to try your BAKED STEAK cause i believe it must taste good!"

3/18/2016

[ Intention vs Action ]

Does it matter what one's intentions are or only one's actions?

3/17/2016

[ Confused ]

My jaw dropped when you said you cancelled dinner with your manager because of my text. - "I told him hey sorry gotta cancel it cause my girlfriend wants to see me!"

3/16/2016

[ contacts ]

Thanks to social media, we can find one another all too easily, so easily that you know if that person's not looking for you, he does not want to see you.

3/15/2016

[ Beliefs ]
Having your beliefs broken is one of the worst things that could happen. Be it the people you believed to be friends, pursuits you believed to be the purpose of life, or simply values you believed to be true. I've spent the most of my 30 years believing in karma, that good people will be awarded and bad people punished eventually. And now i'm impressed. It's either 30 years is not long enough, or what i "believed in" is not true.

3/11/2016

[ 再見 ]

我幾乎分辨不出怎樣的再見才是分別最好的方式了。

3/10/2016

[ that street ]

So i went to my that street again - the terribly romantic street to where i used to take my three men, none of whom now i'm still in contact with.

3/8/2016

So i still miss you... been half year already, and i still f***g miss you

3/7/2016

[ post ONE ]

So i decided to start this page, as a way to write down my thoughts, worries and happiness, like a random e-diary - actually tried to create a blog but couldnt figure out how:'(